Leading independent broadcaster ITV has announced a new and exciting interpretation of the classic Jane Austen work to fit in with new broadcasting rules announced by the government yesterday. The full show will total two hours but will be ‘pithy, punchy and relevant to today’s audience’, and shown in 30 second episodes between all the adverts.
‘Previous adaptations have developed the work slowly, building up expectations and tensions gradually and leaving hearts fluttering for anyone who was prepared to invest their time on it,’ said ITV head of production Grant Stainesworth, ‘but in today’s world we think we can tantalise and delight our audience, every night, just after a thirty minute ad for l’Oreal, with explosive yet compact scenes of sexual suggestion and aspiration.’
‘Every night,’ he promised, ‘for eight months, it’ll be like D’Arcy coming out of the lake for the first time. Except this time he’ll be clutching a Gilette razor and rubbing his smooth chin towards the camera.’
If I wasn't leery of some producer taking this satirical article and running with it, I would find it more amusing... It sounds crazy enough (and marketable too) that some executive would try this. Seeing as I'm currently annoyed with BBC's decisions, all that's left is for them to announce that this is part of their new initiative. (Out with the bonnet dramas, in with the bonnet adverts!) Wonder if they'd find room for Colin Firth's Oxfam ad?
Thanks to Ribbons of Light for mentioning the "news"...